Monday, 01 February 2010 00:00    E-mail
Aging wisdom: The healing power of helping others

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“Each day is ripe with possibilities.” Stephanie Wright starts her day every morning with that quote. Wright is a volunteer with the Senior Peer Program (SPP) at West Yavapai Guidance Clinic. “Aging is not easy,” she said. “This program helps people do it with joy and dignity. We help them complete their circle.”

Stephanie-Wright2tWright has been with the SPP since the summer of 2005. She first joined the group as a member of the Women of Wisdom (WOW) support group, and as her need to receive support diminished, she wanted to help others. She became a volunteer with the program.

After 28 years of marriage, Wright lost her husband to a long battle with various forms of cancer, including lung, colon and prostate that metastasized to bone. She was his caretaker for the last 10 years of his life while continuing to work full time until the last five months.

It impacted their marriage and changed their relationship; and yet, Wright says, the best thing she ever did was give him permission to die, which he did that very night in his own bed—something he most wanted. After his death, she needed time to regroup and find her purpose in life without him.

“It’s like your arm is gone when you lose your spouse,” she said. “He was my soul mate. We played card games, dominoes, Scrabble®—something, every single night. And when he was gone, I had to learn to live alone.”

Wright went through a lot of emotional and physical reactions after he died. At times she couldn’t turn her brain off and she had difficulty sleeping. She would sort through one box at a time—she had a lot of long, hard conversations with his memory as she went through his paperwork that was decades old.

Wright was born in England in 1939.  She moved to Scottsdale in 1965 to work as a nanny. Later, she began a career with the American Red Cross and transferred to the San Francisco office, where she later met her husband. She always wanted to return to Arizona. When her husband was dying, he encouraged her to move back after he was gone. He died in August 2003 and she moved to Prescott in May 2004.

“I found my bliss…the birds in my yard, the views from my deck…it was perfect,” she said.

But something was missing. After the boxes were unpacked and all of the dust settled, Wright felt isolated. She started a breakfast group in her neighborhood, but it only met once a month and wasn’t enough socialization. Additionally, it was not a place to express feelings and fears.  She tried a hospice grief support group but found that it was not the right environment for her. She wanted to focus on the here and now, not to relive her loss and the difficult care-giving years. Wright found the WOW group.

She started attending the weekly, confidential support group of women who shared their coping skills, which strengthened her own. The inspirational meetings always included a book, quote or video that focused on the message of women, their feelings and how to reclaim themselves after giving so much to so many. While she still attends the group on occasion, she no longer goes every week. However, she does socialize with some members outside of the meetings on a regular basis.

In June 2006 Wright knew she was ready for a new challenge and inquired about becoming a SPP volunteer, where she would visit homes of women assigned to her and she could provide emotional support. She wanted to give back to the program that helped her re-engage in life.  Wright grew up in a nurturing family where community service was part of the day-to-day expectation. Her parents instilled in her the philosophy of helping others. She also has a strong faith that is based on the belief that God and an individual are partners—what you put into life you get out of it.

There is healing power in helping others and Wright found that out firsthand.  “Everyone gets a lot out of it,” she said.  “Even when the situation is hard, you can’t give up on them. There is still a need and it is very important to help fulfill the last years of life. What we do here in this program is very important.”

During this past holiday season, Wright received a note from one of the clients she sees on a weekly basis. It read “You are my angel, my friend, when I really needed one.”

For Wright, this summed up the SPP.  For her, it has come full circle: by first reaching out for help, receiving support and encouragement from peers and now offering it to others in need.

“Physically and emotionally, volunteers stay healthier,” said Mary Anne Halvorson, SPP program supervisor.

The WYGC SPP provides support and education to the area’s elderly. This prevention program is aimed at helping seniors maintain a healthy emotional life at no cost to the participant. It uses peer volunteers (55 years and older) to serve other elderly people in need of support.

By using one-on-one mentoring, as well as support groups facilitated by trained senior volunteers, members of this growing population are receiving companionship, guidance and purpose in life for those experiencing life-challenging events.

Some of these include retirement, the death of a loved one, care-giving issues, loss of health, the inability to drive, a move, end-of-life concerns and other aging issues. Sometimes these events lead to social isolation, feelings of grief and situational depression.

In addition, program staff and volunteers also offer presentations to community groups at no charge on topics such as adjustment to aging, grief and loss, managing change in our lives, communication and healthy aging. To find out more about the Senior Peer Program, call 445-5211, ext. 2672.

 

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